Since it's been quite a while that I've written something in this blog, I thought I'd update some of my thoughts here. My exchange blog covers everything I do and experience here, but having some free time now, I thought I'd do some reflecting. Which I haven't done much since I arrived, so maybe it's about time!
It's funny to think how different everything is compared to two months ago. Where I was, physically and mentally, seems to be so far away. Going from the state of passive waiting, putting off or not concentrating on things "because I'm leaving soon", arriving to an adventure. In a way it seems like something temporary, which is its, but in the sense that "I can do whatever now, and then I'll go back to my life". However, at the same time, it does feel like a whirlwind part of that life, a part that keeps showing me my realities, teaching me about myself and life, and something else too. I am struggling with explaining what this experience and this time here means to me, but maybe it's because I won't really understand it completely until after I've returned.
I feel like the same me I was in Finland. I have noticed that some of my tendencies or characteristics are somehow reinforced here, I feel as if they are much more clearly a part of me here than before. Also, I've realized that what I knew about myself has largely been very true; what I need on a daily basis and what I like and believe in I find comfortingly the same. But I know that when I come back I will have changed, maybe already have. I see some things differently, I appreciate things I didn't understand to appreciate before. Also, I've never listened to as much Finnish music as I do here, which is sort of funny. But it is very comforting in a way, familiar, it makes me feel connected to the place that is so far away now.
One thing I am really glad about is that it's finally happened, Spanish has reached the stage of "speak first, think later". Texting and speaking in Spanish comes naturally now, and even though at times I struggle to find a word or to explain something complicated, I more often find a way to do it in Spanish, without pauses or switching to English. I've even accidentally used Spanish words when talking in Skype with my family, which I consider a good sign. Writing this text, also, comes with pausing to think of the English equivalent to some Spanish words. My brain is on the Spanish channel and I love it.
People sometimes talk about the cliché of traveling to find yourself. I don't know about that, but I can say that distance helps to see things in a new light. I have gained perspective, and even though I sometimes miss home like crazy, I am really glad I came here. The adventure happens on two levels; all the trips I've had and will have, the mountains, the jungle, Macchu Picchu, Chile, Bolivia, to mention a few, and then the adventure inside; what I think and how I feel. And the best part of that adventure is smiling when seeing all the things you would have never thought you'd see and doing all the things you would have never thought you'd do and thinking I'm the luckiest girl in the world. And I'm happy.
