There is something that we all do, including myself, that annoys me so much. Very often we are ashamed of taking the joy out of the situation. The embarrassment of having people stare at you or making an exception to the norm with your behaviour is just so horrible. I am guilty sometimes, I admit, but afterwards I always get the haunting feeling of "why didn't I let go for once and have fun without caring about what other people think?"
It is almost hilarious how ridiculous it is that we let ourselves be steered by random people that we don't even know. Why should they decide how I am living my life, how I want to enjoy it and have fun? The fear of standing out from the normal and acceptable makes us wear a suit when we would be so much more comfortable in sweatpants, walk on an imaginary line with our eyes focused on our destination when we really would like to just jump and spin 'cause we're in such a happy mood or control everything from facial expression to the tone of our voice to make sure nobody in the same café will think we're weird or inappropriate.
One of my goals for the future when it comes to myself and becoming a better person is to let go of this stupid, excessive worry of embarrasing myself. Yeah well I still won't go to the grocery store in pyjamas or stand in the middle of the market place singing movie soundtracks. What I really mean with this whole subject, is being so comfortable being genuinely yourself that you don't mind if you cause a smile or two in the public. And a little addition: this applies to spending time with friends, alone you might be taken to the madhouse sooner or later. It is okay to take a few dance steps on the streets after a great dancing lesson with your friends, it is okay to go play to the playground if you feel like doing something amusing.
Smile when you are happy. You are allowed to show what you are feeling, to make the best out of every second in good company and enjoy yourself. It is courage to stop bending to the thoughts of those who are drowning under social pressure. Be free.
I know many of my posts have seemed pretty future-oriented and that's why I would like to concentrate on the other end for once, which is the past. People say that the past is the past and you should look forward, which I don't totally agree with. In case of an incident that had better be left buried in the depths of oblivion it makes sense not to dig it upall the time, but a moment looking back on your life every now and then would do good to everyone.
People can learn from their mistakes. A forgotten friend, a matter left unfinished, a way of handling a situation can haunt you for a long time. You learn to live with it, but there are times when it pops up again to remind you. Some things can never be forgotten, especially when it comes to disappointmet, sadness or some other extremely strong emotion. Maybe there is a reason for that. If we always forget, there isn't a path you can keep on walking, there are just separate steps you can take and many of them might be slippery since you haven't learned to avoid the ones that make you fall. Then you fall again and again.
On the other hand, a moment spent in the sweet and fun memories can be worth incredibly much. At times of disbelief, sadness or fear you can absorb positive energy and maybe a laughter or two from remembering a well-spent holiday,a success you totally deserved, a new acquaintance that is now a part of your life.
Your past is what leads you to the future. Without memories to cherish we have nothing to aim at, nothing to define who we have been and who we want to be. However, the past is a fountain that you have to use wisely; too much is always too much. Getting stuck, not being able to move on, hanging on to a passed minute in time can consume you. There is the time for letting go of some things while others should be saved in the never-ending storage of images, sounds and emotions.
Your memories are the puzzle pieces that create the picture of your life.
It was about the time to get out of the house today. These past few days that I've just sat at home studying and studying started to make me go crazy (literally... I was making weird sounds and laughing at every idiot thing) so today I decided to go to the city. Since my family lives outside it, surrounded by the beauty of Finnish nature (read: in the middle of nowhere), it requires a decision beforehand if you wanna go shopping, for instance.
It isn't so long ago that I travelled there back and forth every single damned schoolday, but a fortnight makes you feel alienated. I was almost bewildered by the streetlights, traffic lights and light signs. Okay that is a little exaggeration, I am not a hillbilly wearing wellies all year long. But my point here is that since I made a tiny change into my routine I felt so much better. Even studying wasn't so hard after doing something else for a change.
Which lead to yet another life philosophy. In my opinion, what makes life so great is the unexpected or the surprising. Though I appreciate daily routines and the secure feeling of having everything under control, you will never feel completely satisfied with your life unless you make an exception to the normal every once in a while. It can be anything; a spontaneous rock-climbing trip, trying a new receipe after a few months of pasta, a change of scenery for the weekend or just a new hairstyle. Anything you can think of, except boyfriends/girlfriends, that makes you just stupid. Or unable to commit. Every time something changes there is the feeling of freshness and excitement, followed by the short, fascinating period of habituating when the new is so cool and cheery.
If you realise that you are trapped in the constant, never-ending circle of similarity, force it to stop. It is incredibly simple, you don't have to move across the country to succeed with it. I started by changing the sweatpants I had worn for a few days into leggins and a big shirt and replacing my studying spot two chairs left from the previous spot. Even that made a huge difference! If you always buy a black shirt, try picking the blue one next time. If you always spend your holiday at the family cottage, surprise everyone (yourself included) by buying a one-way ticket to somewhere a few hundreds of kilometers away and go sightseeing.
If you won't do it now, then when? Don't fossilize inside your own life.
A modern phenomenon that sometimes makes me really wonder what the present day human beings are made of, is this weird inability and stupidity in practical matters. I guess it is partly due to all this development of products and machines that are supposed to make your life easier, but a very worrying side effect is merely laziness.
I heard the presenters on the radio talking about a product that is a solid proof of it, that is already cooked minced meat. Can people really be so incapable that they can't fry a bit of meat themselves? It is not rocket science. The presenter went on guessing what the future brings by suggesting already cooked water. "Just cook and it is ready!" Funny, but frighteningly to the point. Unacceptable disrespect towards the beauty of human brains, may I say, by the big guys who rule the markets. Another place that makes me feel like banging my head to the table is Facebook. It is a good place, I am not claming otherwise, but come on, people. Is it really necessary to let the whole world know how you don't know how to open a metallic can or something equally embarrasing i-didn't-need-to-hear-this stuff? Or that you got a driver's licence, after which you forgot which is the break pedal and which is the gas pedal and oops, I crashed into a wall!
There are tons of seemingly unnecessary products being sold, like a device that warms up the breathing air for you before you inhale it. Excuse me.. what?? Yeah, I get that it is cold out there in the winter, but seriously? I am sure every one of us can think of such items that are completely ridiculous but brilliantly marketed so the manufacturers earn loads of cash.
I am not sure if it is just about the technology we are offered or if over time something changed in us as well. Many people seem to have lost the one thing that would fix most problems we face on daily basis. I am referring to common sense. In the old days people had to work for what they wanted and owned. Nowadays if your daddy is rich, you get a car, an apartment and practically whatever you want just by blinking your eyes. Don't get pissed because of this, I am not speaking on a general level, but I have seen so many examples that I can honestly mean what I say. For these people it is impossible to sink their perfectly shiny (and obviously expensive) fake nails into any kind of dirt. And imagine what a nightmare it was when I only had ten grand on my bank account yesterday! While some might use their head to figure out what to do when something's broken or you don't know what to do, there are always the ones who get their puppy look on averting all the responsibility and say shit happens, I can hire someone to solve it. No, money doesn't make you stupid. You can buy a ridiculous product and still be wise as Socrates. I am just saying that the modern human relies too much on outside help to get through tiny problems when solving them would actually do only good to them. I appreciate rationality, creativity and imaginativeness.
Reading some texts in my English book today, a thought came to me. It is actually something I have considered already earlier but have never really had time or opportunities to turn real. I am talking about volunteer work. Not that kind of work where the employer makes you believe the exhausting workload that feels like the hell itself is for a good cause with a ridiculously low pay, but real, vital aid in a spot suffered from a catasprophe or suffering from poverty. To me it would be so cool to be able to contribute to such an incredibly helpful mission.
In the media and among celebrities it seems like volunteering is something that defines your level of appreciation. The more money and time you give to those in need, the more popular and liked you are. Okay, I don't claim that everyone does it for publicity since it is great they do it no matter what for. My point is that altghough helping underprivileged seems to be in, how many people do you really know who participate in such activities? Sadly, I can't think of so many.
I have always been the type that likes to please others (not excessively, of course) and make others feel good. I can put someone else in front of my needs and sacrifice time or effort for someone else's benefit. That is the reason why I think volunteer work, for example for the Red Cross or something, would be a suitable solution for me. Who knows, maybe I don't get in any university so why not realise this fascinating option then? I also have some free time to kill in the summer so I guess I could dig up some information... maybe I could do something short-term, help somehow for a week or two? I don't even care so much what I would do, it would be just a new experience. I have to mention that by donating blood I have already done my bit a little. I will definitely make it a habit and I encourage you all to do the same.
In my great visions I am already teaching English to young African kids and clearing neighbourhoods after an earthquake somewhere in Central America. I really hope I will be able to do that someday. After all, it is only a matter of will, selflessness and a little bit of spontaneity. I'd be thrilled to hear any tips or experiences! :)
Inspiration is something that when it comes, there is no stopping it. You can get inspired by anything; a word, an incident, a vision, a dream, a song, a friend... There are no limits when it comes to inspiration. The downside is that it is a rare treat. Yeah maybe some painters and full-time writers have developed some constant form of it, but a normal human being like myself has to suffer from the drought quite often.
Usually it takes an exception to the norm to awaken inspiration, the mind-filling need to open your mouth or place your fingers on the keyboard and let go. A flat routine never evokes that special flash that makes you unable to stay still from excitement. And that, my dear readers, is the reason why I am talking about inspiration. My fountain of themes to ponder is very inaccessible at the moment, since my days only consist of one thing: studying. How am I supposed to find something fresh and interesting to tell when I am drowning in work?
Although this will only last until the end of March (after which I am free as a bird, adiós Finlandia), this period of my life seems to be stuck in the same. However, it is the future that gives me the inspiration to drag myself through these few weeks. You see, inspiration is not only the ingredient to a good work of art. It is also a source of motivation, a crucial factor when it comes to learning. Especially speaking of essays, you need a certain amount of inspiration to dig up the keys from the depths of your brain. Knowledge of grammar and the will to finish it fast won't take you anywhere, you need that special twist that helps you turn a boring sentence into a sparkling one and this way achieve a higher level of expressing yourself.
So observe, listen, watch and feel and there you go.
The moment when you feel like everything is staying still, nothing is moving forward and you are not capable of changing anything is a moment of doubt. Doubt towards yourself, hanging in the line between pushing ahead and giving up. That moment can consume you and hold you hostage making you feel like there is nothing left to be done but surrender to the flat line in front of you that is your life.
We all lose our faith in ourselves every once in a while. We all face barriers that feel impossible to overcome, tasks that seem too hard to pass with what we've got. The devil of laziness forms an alliance with the haunting feeling of doubt and disbelief in yourself. There are times when you have so many things on your plate at once that the burden of carrying out all of them sounds ridiculously insane.
The only way to get ahead in life is believing in yourself. I know it is not always easy. Sometimes you need a stepping stone to help you get there, sometimes you just have to build it slowly and steadily. No matter how rough it might be, it will all be worth it once you climb to the top; you will have the strength to get back on your feet when you fall down, to finish what you started, to continue the journey started. You will have the courage to go after what you want and deserve.
I get moments of doubt when I feel like all my hard work is meaningless. Like no matter how much I want something and work for it, I will never achieve it. I wonder why I even try, how should I be the lucky one to get to the top? I sit by the table with my books in front of me and suddenly those two or three turn into a mountain of work. I have my eyes on something good in the future but still sometimes feel so helpless for not being able to know for sure what time brings.
Then I take a deep breath. I turn to someone who believes in me even when I don't or look for some peer support among my friends who are in the same situation. After a few encouraging words, a little bit of humour, some ridiculously exaggerated worst-case-scenerios described and laughed at, everything is okay again. I hold my head up high and look ahead: I can do this.
In the end, nobody can promise that you will succeed, nobody can say for sure how things will go. It is only a matter of believing and hoping.All you can do is try.
This song doesn't have anything to do with the theme, but it is just one of the most beautiful songs I know.
So, as I promised, here is a picture of our penkkari-outfits. We drew quite a lot of attention at the city centre, I wonder why...Thanks to everyone for such an amazing day!
Yippee, listening exams are over! Now I can concentrate on grammar, the mysteries of math and studying 6 hours a day.
Okay, just kidding. We're gonna party!!!
Starting tomorrow in a typical Finnish way (=drunk before 9 am), we will celebrate a traditional high school's-over-let's-scream-and-throw-candies-all-day-wearing-silly-costumes-day. My friends and I will look so cool tomorrow, maybe I'll upload a picture... However, the number one word choice for tomorrow is ZERO, since that is the amount of days we have left in that loved and hated building they also call a school.
Basically, we will start celebrating in the morning and continue until the next one. After that we'll be sooo exhausted... to go once more on Saturday, it's the senior cruise! In brief I could say that the next sober day for many Finnish youngsters is next week. Maybe.
Allright, don't think that the situation with youth drinking is so bad here, it's just our way of having fun. Whatever, our tolerance is better-developed. Even though it very much sounds so, the main point of this week is not alcohol, it is nostalgia. We will leave all the stress behind and cherish all the golden and not-so-golden memories of our time in high school and outside of it. We will all go our separate ways soon so this is maybe our last chance to have fun together. Fun it will be, especially going to a restaurant looking like an alien... I wonder if they will let us in?They should, there's no playing with the forces from the outer space.
Have fun all of you first and second years students, you'll have plenty of torture and stress and desperation ahead. To my senior fellows, let's make this week unforgettable! (though some parts of it might be forgotten due to reasons that are not our fault but have something to do with some liquid...)
I am proud of myself. This morning I just watched a whole movie in Spanish without subtitles! I have studied the language since I started high school, so about two and a half years now. Never did I think I'd learn a whole new language this fast. Okay, I probably understood like 10 % of what they said, but there's a good reason for that. I speak fast for a Finnish person, but the other main character was from Spain and well, I have met my match. The other characters were Ecuadorian and I am not so used to hearing their accent so I had some trouble keeping up. But however, I patiently sat in front of the screen until the end. Although at times I had moments of "what the hell did just happen??", I could follow the main plot of it. And it makes me so glad 'cause being able to understand such a widely spoken language is a huge advantage for me. I love foreign languages. Besides Finnish I know English, Swedish and Spanish, but I would be so thrilled to learn more. French, for example, would be great. To be honest I'd probably learn almost any language if needed. I like expressing myself verbally, so if I can do it all around the world, I am extremely lucky. In fact, I have joked a lot recently how I am better at foreign languages than at my own, at least according to my school results. Final exam listening comprehension parts a few days ahead is the main reason why I am trying to absorb as much Spanish and English as I can. Please keep your thumbs up for me on Tuesday and Wednesday! But no matter how it goes, I won't stop using these two wonderful languages; after all, I am learning them for life, not for an exam. Here is a beautiful song, the lyrics of which I am proud to (almost) know by heart.
I have developed a technique for studying for exams. I guess I could call it "start early enough that by the time of the exam you're just so bored of it that you don't even care if you fail". That is an extremely good technique, may I add.
Since I like (read: am a little obsessed with) organising and schedules, this arrangement suits me perfectly. I don't get stressed over hundreds of pages left to read the night before the exam and I don't have to study so much at a time either, which would be just boring. To be honest, I don't really stress over exams, rather if I have a million and one things to do at once. Anyway, the point of my studying strategy is to give me a free day before the exam. For example, I am now here writing this post. I have Finnish finals tomorrow.
Okay, I cheated. I studied a little just a while ago. But only like 20 minutes. And only because I really haven't studied so much for this exam. But seriously, I am Finnish, I can speak Finnish, right? You'd think so, but nooooo.... Why do they have to make such a simple thing like writing essays so difficult?
It happens every single time. I have more or less motivation and enthusiasm during the learning period and the day before the exam I am like "damn it, if I haven't learned it by now, I definitely won't learn it by tomorrow". Or then I get some miraculous, sudden blast of self-confidence and think like "yeah, piece of cake.. I'll rock this exam even with my eyes closed". That feeling could also be called a hallucination sometimes, according to my experiences... Usually, the thing I think about the day before the exam is that I just want it to be over. A little bit like right now. And here's my advice for all my Finnish counterparts before the beginning of the final exam time.
Technology hates me. No joking, all these program updates and technical problems wouldn't exist if it wasn't to irritate me.
I am not totally retarted so of course I manage to watch tv and use the computer and my phone on my own. However, whenever there is any exepction to the normal with computers especially, I am so lost. It is made so difficult for normal people 'cause if you want to install something, first you have to go to place A where you fill out a form and then it takes you to place B where something weird happens and then you wait for something to happen to your computer and then you have to log in to a million places with a million accounts and then your contacts are flying in every possible direction and to change one thing you have to basically start all over again and at that point you are just simply banging your head on the keyboard.
See my point here?
Well, this all started when Messenger and Skype kindly announced that they got married so I have to move in to a new home. I just don't like having long conversations in Facebook chat so that is the only reason why I still use a Messenger account. Anyway, I did exactly what the information e-mail told me to, but surprise, surprise, when I finally finished the process, I was more confused than ever. Luckily I know people who are smarter than me so I can go whine to them how I wasn't made to function with technology.
All I am asking for is a little bit of simplicity. Or a personal technology guide 24/7.
I know that with time I will get used to all these new changes and learn to use them, maybe even adapt to the constant development of technology in every area of life. Whether I have to particularly like it, is a different question.
Here's a song, the title of which describes pretty well my current state of mind.
