Vamos!

Sort of hard to believe it, but we're actually leaving tomorrow for Spain! I've packed my bag and prepared everything I could possibly think of and I couldn't be more excited. Though, it's still kind of weird, I don't quite grasp the whole thing yet. Having traveled so few times, I'm ridiculously excited about really basic things even, like planes. 

Looking outside of the window today and seeing a grey sky and the pouring rain I thanked myself for ever having the idea of traveling. Seriously, we've had three warm days this summer, I really need this escape under the sun.

I'm also a little nervous, because this trip sort of steps out of my comfort zone. Not really any plans besides the accommodation (which is kind of depending on whether people are who they say they are online), but I am so eager to face this challenge and see what comes out of it. Relaxation, fun, memories and a tan, I hope.

See you in two weeks! 

One-two-three-relax!

I can't believe it, I'm done. I'm finished with all the work for the summer, both the camps and the studies. After a few hours of furious writing, I finished my essay for a pedagogic course, I returned it and I'm officially on a vacation now. It feels so good.

Actually, it hasn't even really sank in, but still. All I need to do anymore is to return the books to the library and mentally prepare to travel. It's going to be exactly what I need, and we have both so deserved it.

Ah, the feeling of liberty is at its best when you know you've worked your ass off to reach it.

Humility

A challenge after another wears down even the strongest people. Each time I thought it's safe to catch a breath, another incident occurred, another mental earthquake that shook my world a little bit. And I had no choice but to hold on tight to the fragile pieces so they would last as one until it would be over, as I could not fall apart for the sake of those who needed me to be the leader, the strong one, to have the threads sorted out, tightly grasped in my hands.

The glass was so close to being full so many times that even the slightest jolt made it splash all over. My emotions went from zero to hundred in a blink of an eye and the pressure made me scream without a sound.

And when I thought that it's all over now, that this is the easy part, the world hit me with something so unexpected that I questioned everything; my memory, my experience, my intuition, my vision, my belief in people and maybe even in justice. Can one person's nightmare be another one's bliss? I am praying that it is true.

I bend, as I feel the weight that I've been carrying for a long while. I am starting to let it fall down but I am scared. I am numb for feeling so much in such a brief period of time. All I can say is that this week has been a learning experience like no other, and I genuinely hope it will make me stronger and wiser. 

In many ways I succeeded and of those moments I am proud. I found the voice of my morality, and it appeared in a moment I never would have imagined. Despite of everything, I held myself together so the entire community would stay intact. I did my best, but I know it wasn't always enough. There were moments with people who would have needed more support, more encouragement and more time, which I was not able to provide. 

In the speech I gave today I urged the youngsters to be humble towards the nature and towards life. The words did not come from me, but I feel like that is the most hauntingly beautiful lesson that I could take with me from this experience as the one to guide me forward.

Anticipation

Here we go, the last camp of the summer is starting tomorrow. I'm a little terrified, but excited. Terrified for no reason, though, as I know that the people working there are great and I've got it all planned. I had a nightmare about it last night where a bus drove over the camp kids, though, which was not really the nicest way to wake up. 

I'm so relieved that my exam went well on Monday, that's half of the summer's studies finished! And I so had had it with semantics, a few more pages and my head would have exploded. After the camp I'll just need to write a 10-page essay about expertise at a work organization and I'm free. Two weeks in Spain is the most perfect reward I could have picked for myself, besides, I hear that it's really hot in Madrid now. That will be a welcome change to the +15 degrees we've got here.

After the super busy beginning of the summer, I've actually managed to relax a bit as well, which has been great. I've been hanging out with friends; geocaching, picnics, movie nights and walks around the city during those two hot days we had. I've also been able to go to the gym, which I totally love. Really didn't think in January when I started going there that it would become such an important part of my everyday life, a part that I hugely miss when I am unable to go.

I'm really excited about the trip to Madrid and nearby cities, as it'll be different from any trip so far. I have no idea where we'll stay or really so much about what we'll do, but for once it sounds perfect. Time to relax, do whatever we feel like doing in the moment. Hopefully we'll have the chance to try Couchsurfing, it would be great to get to know some new people who could provide us with a couch to sleep on and maybe even a tour around their favorite places. After my best friend returns to Finland, I'm gonna keep going on my own, and I'm pretty sure which cities I'll visit. All in all, I'm thrilled about this chance to test my Spanish as I'm getting gorgeously tanned under the southern sun.

Okay, who am I kidding, I'll be red as a fire truck. But it'll turn brown at some point, hopefully by the time I'm back here.

Strange things

I've been re-watching the O.C. and although I love that show, there are so many things that I find completely odd and unnatural. I don't think it's a phenomenon strictly related to this series but evident in most TV-series, all the most normal everyday activities are either ignored or twisted. Why on earth are we expected to act normal about the weird stuff they do?

Let's take breakfast, for example. Usually they just eat a handful or two of dry cereal straight from the box and that's it. Everybody seems to take a cup of coffee (black, nobody apparently uses milk or sugar) and takes a sip and then leaves the cup. But that's not even the worst part, oh no, the worst part is when they've actually made the effort of setting up a really nice breakfast. Baked pancakes or muffins or whatever. What happens? Everyone gets to the kitchen, glances at the food, claims to be in a hurry or quickly develop a huge, dramatic twist of the events and the pancakes are left on the table. Why, people, why? Breakfast is the best part of the day.

I don't know how the visiting culture is in the U.S, but somehow to me it seems weird that everyone keeps stopping by at each other's places. Isn't it considered rude to show up unannounced? Besides, usually they don't even have anything important to say. Also, it seems to be normal to have no need for planning anything; you might as well drive to work and then back home and then remember you left something at the office and drive back and then come back home and then decide suddenly to make a road trip to the next city and then you come back pretty late at night and all of a sudden you have to pop in to see a friend to apologize for something you did. Seems logical.

Then, birthdays. Years go by, and the birthdays of the main characters aren't even mentioned. Instead, hugely ridiculous commercial festivals like the Valentine's Day gets an entire episode per fictional year. How fair is that?

Moreover, the weirdest thing just happened. A character finds another one dead, and how does he react? A inexplicable look on his face he tries his pulse, sighs deeply and sits down on the bench on which the old guy died sitting. No calls to 911, no rush, no panic. Just a sigh and a long stare at the ocean until the scene changes. What's up with these people?

I get it that TV-series aren't supposed to cover each minute of the characters' lives but still. At least finish your breakfast.