Productivity

Here it is, the eagerly expected summer holiday. Since I have been ill since last Friday, I have had plenty of time to think and re-evaluate things. Time, for example. I always thought it would be so special to have this moment, the end of high school, but in reality it wasn't so shiny. On monday morning I went to doctor's to get a medical certificate for the matriculation examination board, did my very last final exam, went home and straight to bed. Which was where I had spent the previous three days. And where I spent the following days as well. High school's over, let's party! Right.

Well, Tuesday was my first official day of summer holiday. Surprise, surprise, I woke up at 7 am. Never before have I noticed how big an impact such a simple thing like time of waking up has on your day. Always before when I had a day off, I had time to watch one movie before lunch time. Now that I am up much earlier, I can watch two movies before lunch time! 

Okay I sound like a lazy person who does nothing but stare at the screen. I am in the recovering stage, so that's why. Don't judge me. 

The main subject on my mind for a couple of days has been productivity. Every single day (that I have been in shape to do something other than resting) I have thought like "okay, this is the day when i do something special, something fun and different". Well, so far I haven't figured that out. I want to use my free time wisely, not waste it. Well, I have made a record or two in watching tv and films, at least when my experiences are concerned. But honestly, what else could you do after reading books for months and not being able to go outside? 

On the other hand, this week of staying still has been a good chance to just concentrate on the basics of life. I have spent time with my family (since they've all been sick as well) and played board games and had an isolation from the computer. After a few days of eating nothing I learned to appreciate food all over again and after a lot of time spent doing nothing I have learned to appreciate activity. I didn't mind cleaning up the bathroom today or cooking lunch because it was something to do that didn't make your brain jellify. This way I got all the stress out of my system, got a good rest before the adventures and new challenges to come. Now I am excitedly looking forward to everything that life brings, I have reached a level I worked hard for, I am more or less satisfied with my success and I can just look ahead.

Here's a song I have listened to a lot recently, unrelated to the theme but beautiful.

   

 

Pensamientos extranjeros

Estoy un poco nerviosa. Siempre he escrito en inglés pero sé que soy capaz de hacerlo en español también. Quizás. Los exámenes finales terminan el 25 con español y pensé que sería una buena idea practicar mis conocimientos con algo diferente. Por lo tanto, si alguien comprendiera esto en alguna parte del mundo, sería magnífico que no se diera cuenta de todos los errores, por favor. 

Como he dicho antes, me encantan lenguas extranjeras. Creo que esta es una razón de que escrito este blog en inglés. Me parece más fácil expresar pensamientos más profundos cuando tengo una distancia a lo que estoy diciendo. No sé si es sensible pero me da igual. Los finlandeses están acostumbrados a tener muros alrededor de ellos ya que no es aceptable que alguien te acerque en el nivel emocional demasiado rápido. Mi manera de romper estos muros es hablar en otros idiomas. 

Quizás de esta manera tenga una escapada de lo que realmente estoy pensando. Es el primer paso, después del que puedo empezar a atreverme a decir lo mismo en mi propia lengua. Tengo la posibilidad de procesar ciertas cosas en la cabeza antes de que las admita en la manera más real. No quiero decir que sólo pienso en cosas malas, no, por supuesto hay temas sobre los que puedo hablar sin dificultades en cualquier lengua. Pero a veces, especialmente cuando estoy aprendido cosas sobre mi vida o mi personalidad, el cambio no es muy agradable. Pero al final, el cambio significa crecimiento y por eso me alegra mucho tener oportunidades para aprender mejor quién soy.

Aquí una canción muy bonita.

  

It's not always your moment to shine

Today I discovered a feeling that I really dislike. Well, of course I have experienced it before, but today's events made me sure of the fact that it is pretty uncomfortable. I am talking about being disappointed at yourself. 

Well, the situation that resulted in this wasn't so bad after all, at least now that I have (mostly) recovered from the embarrassment. I was at my cousins' and my uncle asked me to move my car out of the way so he could get out of the yard. Well, I did, but ended up stuck in a pile of snow. After realising I was stuck there was a moment of panic and I tried to wave and make my uncle realise I can't move but he looked at me like I am crazy, waved and drove away. Great. Well, then I bullied an innocent pedestrian by making him try to help me with pushing the car, but since it was no help I went to get my cousins to help. After a while, a little bit of work and a little bit of joking and laughing (at me) we got the car out of the snow. Imagine my relief.

And no, I don't need to hear that never-ending "women behind the wheel"-lecture, my cousin already covered that. 

But yeah, on top of the embarrassment from the looks of the bypassers, I felt so disappointed in myself. Especially since I consider myself a pretty good driver even given the fact that I got my licence only recently. That is the kind of mood that haunts you. After I left my cousins' I went to training but couldn't shake off the feeling of failing. I guess that was part of the reason why I felt a little tired and  had a low energy level. But on the bright side, the car didn't get damaged, I didn't hurt myself and I got a good laugh. Aaaand so did my cousins.

When used to succeeding and getting through situations respectfully, this kind of an incident knocks you back down to earth a little. I am not always perfect, I sometimes mess up, I don't always do the sensible or the right thing.That is a healthy thing to realise every once in a while, 'cause knowing you are capable of making mistakes it is easier to accept them when the time comes. I turn the disappointment into an educational experience and move on. Luckily, I am the kind of person who has no trouble laughing at herself (and trust me, I have to be...) so no harm done here. 

I want to end this with some music and a huge thank you to my wonderful cousins and my godmother who didn't hesitate when I was in trouble!

Why settle for average when you could make it perfect?

Dedication is a feature I really appreciate. It can be seen as a well-prepared presentation, a gift made with affection, using your time to what you want to pursue. In my eyes it is admirable  to take up a task and focus on it with 100 %. I guess this might be a side effect from perfectionism, but I always try my best to give all I've got for even tiny things. A birthday card to a friend can easily demand a few hours of my evening, just to polish it to its full potential and put the final touch to each letter and corner. 

I am pretty proud of this quality of mine. I just like to bring a smile to another person's face or see the appreciative expression I get for delivering something that is carefully finished. That is worth all the work, though very often as a bonus I learn something in the process. Making cards makes me always re-learn that I really cannot draw at all and a learning diary for psychology class really taught me a lot of things about myself, the way I see things and my values. 

The reason why I am writing about this topic is actually a task that my boss gave me. I will work at a youth event that will take place at Easter, and I was supposed to write the letter that will be sent to participants via e-mail. Well, since I am not the type of person to settle for simple text black on white, I searched for a picture of Easter eggs to decorate the letter, after carefully choosing the font and finishing the layout. I did find one good picture, but to my misfortune it had only the outlines and you were supposed to print it and color it yourself. 

Guess what I did?

I opened Paint and spent the next one and half hours coloring the picture. Just to get it to an e-mail that people will read once and forget immediately. That's one hell of a dedication, if you ask me. Or being idiotic, as you might think, but that's just not the way I see it.

So, instead studying for the English finals tomorrow, I colored those damned eggs, which made my eyes hurt and my brain feel like jelly, but I don't mind. I put effort into it to create a positive and welcoming tone so that the youngsters would get a good feeling about the event. I would do it again, just for the sake of that.

Afterwards I went outside to jump and roll in the snow with my little sister, 'cause the kind of dedication I appreciate the most is dedication for life. Taking time to enjoy yourself and to be a little silly along with the responsibilities and the obligations is dedication that never goes wasted.

 
 

Socialising

Such a breath of fresh air was it today (and not only since it was snowing so much you could barely see two meters ahead) to be in the city today. I got to talk to people other than my family and that was very welcome. No offense, sisters, but you gotta know what I mean. To talk about something totally different than only school and studying stuff was exactly what I needed.

There's a psychological experiment I've heard of which came to my mind today. They sent some guy to Antarctica to have a taste of being alone. Well, after a few months or something he was depressed, hallucinating and so on. I could never ever do something like that, 'cause I need speaking and interacting with people to live. I would die of loneliness and of the lack of people to talk to. I am certain that I would develop schizophrenia or some similar disorder that would create some imaginary friends for me. 

Though it sometimes might seem like I am not that good at expressing myself verbally, it really is the best way for me. I can't draw even a stick figure, my singing sounds like a crow, my dance moves don't tell any fancy stories. My problem is that sometimes I have so much to say that it all tries to come out at the same time and the speed of it increases to astonishing levels so I end up being very irrational. But what I am very proud of, is that to me it doesn't matter if it is English or Finnish I speak. 

Okay, there are the times when I really can't say anything. Like when someone is asking hard questions and all I can answer is "I don't know". But this is very Finnish, I guess, one foreign friend once complained how all my answers include some kind of uncertainty, like "don't know", "I'm not sure", "it depends" and "maybe, maybe not". 

But what I actually wanted to say with this post, is that some people do artistic stuff to gain energy and kind of recharge the batteries. For me it is socialising. Not excessively, that makes anyone just tired and stressed. For example today was a really good and cheery day; I had a work meeting and then I met a friend, so I got to chat a lot. I could say it's my favorite hobby.

Here's a song that's not really related to the theme again, but I like it a lot.

 

Little big things

There are some really big advantages living in a tiny village with only detached houses and summer cottages. There are no traffic lights, no street lights even, no stores, but what we do have is cohesion. You'd think that life in the middle of nowhere gets boring, but in fact it makes a perfect balance with going to the city every day for school. 

After my Finnish final exam today I took a bus home, but since nobody was at home so early and the bus stop is located about 5 kilometers away from our house, I started to walk. The sun was shining, it is still white everywhere and it wasn't too cold, so it was really nice. However, after maybe 1,5 kilometers of going by foot, a neighbour drove by and stopped the car. He asked where I'm going and told me to jump in. This is a perfect example of what we do here. I don't know that neighbour that well at all, but everybody knows basically who lives and where and it is almost automatic and obvious that we help each other.

Whenever I go for a walk or drive somewhere and see someone who also lives here, we wave or greet each other. And note, for me everyone who lives within 3 kilometers from our house is considered a neighbour. I guess people greet their closest neighbours also in the city, but here it is different, we might even stay and talk for a while. "It was minus 27 degrees celcius at our place this morning, what about you?" Young, old, we all get along. This is very nice I think, and especially since we are reserved Finnish people, I appreciate it a lot. I guess what I am talking about is everyday life somewhere abroad, but to me this is not obvious behaviour.

Anyway, I just want to say that little things like offering a ride can really cheer up your day and make you glad. And it is definitely much nicer to get a smile or a greeting from the person walking by instead of a wandering look to the opposite direction. Life in the countryside is good.

Here's a song that always brings a good feeling and some sunshine even to a cloudy day, combined with one of the best tv-shows ever.

 
 

 

 

Thoughts of the moment

The final effort of the entire high school begins on Monday. Only four final exams left, only a bit over two weeks of constant learning and motivating yourself left, only a while before freedom. Although it feels a little scary that this is all coming to an end, at the same time I am full of excitement. I have a whole new life ahead.

And besides, I will have a pretty good reward after I have done my duties to the Finnish matriculation examination board. My godmother will take me to London! It will be so great, exactly what I need. Something new, fresh, that sets the direction of my new life. 

When the finals are over I can finally start planning my graduation party. I can't wait! I don't even have a dress or anything yet, oops... Well, I have time. But then the guest list, invitations, list of present wishes, deciding what foods and drinks I want... and so on. I am such an organized person that a task like planning a party sounds perfect to me. 

I feel like I am at the crossroads. All I see ahead is unanswered questions, challenges, wishes, dreams, possibilities and a lot of emotions on each path. I am so glad I have so many people who I can trust and who will support me through anything, 'cause I will need someone to ask for help every now and then. It isn't that simple to move away and start living independently, there are so many things you wouldn't even consider beforehand. However, I am more than willing to take the leap to the unknown and see what life has to offer for me. 

And here is a little taste of what I will feel on 1st of June. The graduation day.

 
    

Happy women's day everyone!

Don't you mock my nation

My sisters told me something really horrible today after they had watched a certain American tv-show where a food specialist travels around the world learning about the food culture abroad. Good show I am sure, but it is a fact that the reality basis in the Finland episode was just crap.

First of all, the episode was shot in the winter at a very wet and ugly time, which already gave a negative vibe to it. Well, there is no denying that it looks like that here sometimes, but had they shot it in the summer, it would have been so much more pleasant to watch. I guess it was just a way to emphasize how negative everything is here.

But what really pisses me off, is the way they described our nation, the image they (purposely, I am convinced) tried to give of Finnish people.

NO, we don't drink vodka with every meal, we are not drunk all the time, we have other interests in life than alcohol. Besides, vodka refers more to Russia. Finland is a whole different country, just for your information. We are not all depressed, we are not an entirely manic-depressive nation. There are also people here who are happy, clean, sober, succesfull and positive. 

This post is speaking directly to foreign people: don't believe everything you see in TV about my land. What is so ridiculous, that though they ate very traditional Finnish foods in the show (and I'm glad you liked them, you American guy), otherwise the cultural dimension was so twisted. Really, it is proved and generally known that we have one of the best education and health care systems in the world, so do you really think we get there with vodka in cereals every morning? Come on. You should have seen our healthy, FREE, daily school meals.

Please, I am asking you very nicely, if you are making a tv-show in a foreign country, try to behave according to good manners. It doesn't feel nice to us to hear the host complaining how he wouldn't even want to come here... Only because his preconceptions of the country are based on empty, false ideas. I am almost personally offended for this shocking insult towards my dear country. Generalising a whole nation to be what the very low percentage of the troubled is, is just wrong. I am sure I am not the only angry Finnish person here at the moment. 

Here's some Finnish power and beauty for you instead of the alarming and exaggerative images you might have seen in that (failed, in my opinion) episode of that show.