I want to give you a list of things I've learned this year, hoping I will be able take my own advice in the future challenges to come. These things are based on my personal experiences only, so they might not apply to everyone and to every situation but I think some of them could be useful.
1. Do not burn yourself. This is the latest incident that's happened to me, two weeks ago I accidentally poured boiling hot water on me. And well, it has not been so nice. First because of the pain and the difficulty in daily activities (like washing your hair) and now because the new skin is damned itchy. At least I managed to stay out of hospital for almost 19 years, which is a pretty good accomplishment, if you ask me.
2. Never give up. I have sent 43 job applications lately, with no luck, since I need to do something with this gap year, but I refuse to throw in the towel. I have to believe that one of these applications will be the one that gives me the permission to start packing my bags. So I will keep sending them. Tomorrow I have an appointment at the employment agency so maybe that will make something happen.
3. Be spontaneous. Life is much more exciting and eventful if you sometimes take a chance or let go of your old habits. I have done some independent decisions with my life for the first time ever and it has felt so good. I am finally old enough to do what my heart tells me to, instead of always asking for my parents' permission first.
4. Life is not fair but you have to accept it. I really thought I'd get into a university and I definitely thought I deserved it, but I guess there's something else I'm supposed to do now. I did feel defeated and like all my efforts were for nothing for a while, but it wasn't possible to see the good until I accepted the facts. I guess it also had something to do with waking up from being overly self-confident, I thought I'd nail the entrance exams even with a little less studying but that wasn't the case.
5. Be happy about the little things. Since I have been at home basically for seven months now because the school ended in February, I spend most days here in the countryside. In sweatpants, without make-up. One day I realised it had been two days since I had brushed my hair the last time. So, it makes me really cheerful to dress up nicely and go to the city for once. Also, a shower after a week of really inconvenient arrangements to get kind of clean felt like heaven after the burning-incident.
6. Believe in yourself. I was the leader of a camp this summer for the first time ever and even though I was really excited, I was really nervous about it. I worried about how the workers would take my orders or if my leading skills would be enough. I couldn't have done it without the help from others and our democratic ways, but I learned that if I have the responsibility, I am allowed to make my own desicion and stick to them. Responsibility includes the right to have your way.
7. Celebrate when there is a reason for it. The first half of the year 2013 was filled with nostalgic partying with school friends. We conquered the land and the sea (literally) with joy and alcohol, drawing attention by celebrating in the city dressed up as aliens and pirates and tigers and beer bottles. And then, after a little work we celebrated our freedom. What was the most important part of those celebrations, was being carefree and not stressing about the work still left or the insecurity of our futures. It was about the moment and nothing else.
8. You don't have to do it all alone. Ask for help. If you have a good friend, trust them, because nobody can go through this life keeping all the thoughts inside them. Talking to someone about your problems helps more than I can tell, at least if the people you talk to truly understand you. I have learned this lesson the hard way, I took it to the point when I couldn't take it anymore and the emotions took control but it was such a cleansing feeling to get it out of my system. A slumber party (camp-version) was exactly what I needed, thank you my wonderful friends! :)
9. Make choices so that you can look back and say you're proud of what you've done. I can't say I've made the best choices all the time, I could have spent a few more nice evenings with my friends instead of studying, but at least I can be proud of my achievements. I have done things I could have left undone and that I am not so proud of, but those moments are the ones that teach you something. However, I have no regrets about the biggest decisions I've made this past year and I am proud that I have made them independently and worked for them.
10. It's okay not to be okay. Life isn't perfect, sadness and pain are a part of the deal. Failing isn't nice, but you are allowed to be disappointed. Having to do things you don't want to can be harder than you'd ever imagine and it is okay to feel bad about them. It goes both ways; celebrating is in place when there is a reason, but when the time comes, you need to face the reality with its downsides, too. You don't always have to be strong, you don't always have to put up a mask of a happy smile and jokes if you're in fact hurting inside. You see, it is possible that you start to believe your own show too well, which is when the denial becomes your worst enemy. Don't avoid your feelings; they can tell the truth better than anything.
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