Siempre he sido muy estudiosa pero creo que ahora he alcanzado un nuevo nivel. Queda una semana de vacacionces pero siento que ya me gustaría empezar el semestre. Tengo menos cursos de los que tuve en otoño pero estoy muy entusiasmada con las otras dimensiones de la vida de un estudiante. Además, tengo un curso oral de español que me interesa mucho. Nueva profesora, nuevos compañeros de clase, muchísimas cosas nuevas que quiero aprender.
Hoy en la tarde voy a pasar tiempo con unos amigos y para esa ocasión he preparado pasteles de chocolate ¡que huelen tan bien! También empecé a leer un libro en español, Cincuenta sombras de Grey. Leer en español parece más fácil que lo que yo creía. Quizás mis conocimientos de la lengua se han desarrollado.
Ayer fuí de compras y encontré el vestido perfecto para mi viaje a España en verano. Puedo imaginarlo tan bien, yo caminando en las calles viejas llevando ese vestido y sandalias. Hace calor y el sol es tan brillante, tomo algunas fotos y estoy sonriendo todo el tiempo. Sin embargo, hay un problema... no compré ese vestido porque es un poco caro. Tampoco tengo el pasaje para ir a ese país hermoso. Pues, creo que tengo que seguir soñando con el viaje, quizás algún día lo ponga en práctica.
Lo voy a poner en práctica, lo prometo.
torstai 8. tammikuuta 2015
tiistai 6. tammikuuta 2015
Progress
I am proud to announce that I have managed to temporarily snap out of my zombie-state of mind and actually do something. Yesterday I even left the building, which was really nice, so I'll do it again tonight. A friend of mine and I will spend the evening celebrating New Year's again, and the evening will include tacos, reflecting and setting goals for the year to come. Can it get any better?
Avoiding the minus below fifteen, I have learned a lot about the British history. Industrialization and liberalism, who wouldn't love to spend their vacation dwelling in such interesting issues? Don't know if I've managed to internalize the topics well enough, though I certainly hope so, as my history exam is in two weeks. I do feel sort of smarter, though, isn't that a good sign? I just hope the reforms would stop, I really cannot keep track on them anymore.
Recently I have really started to see the glory of tea. Not so much due to history cramming, although I did almost scream aloud with excitement when I read the name Earl Grey, I found it very hilarious. Such a familiar tea brand, and there he was as a person. I have no clue who he was and what he did, as I concentrated on pointing it out to my friend instead of his actual role in the history book. However, I have started to like drinking tea and I bought this really good flavor, I think it was gingko and blackcurrant. Never heard of gingko before, I have to admit, still not quite sure what it is. But let's not get stuck on the irrelevant, right?
Also, I finished my academic writing portfolio. I am completely and utterly relieved, as it turned out pretty good and I am very happy with it. And, it's pink, which makes it totally awesome.
Tomorrow I'll hit the sales and visit the city library for the first time, as I just discovered that they have Fifty Shades of Grey in Spanish. I have to read it. I think I'll also get some other books in Spanish as I am extremely excited about planning my trip to Spain next summer. I'd better make use of that excitement now that I still feel like reading books.
Avoiding the minus below fifteen, I have learned a lot about the British history. Industrialization and liberalism, who wouldn't love to spend their vacation dwelling in such interesting issues? Don't know if I've managed to internalize the topics well enough, though I certainly hope so, as my history exam is in two weeks. I do feel sort of smarter, though, isn't that a good sign? I just hope the reforms would stop, I really cannot keep track on them anymore.
Recently I have really started to see the glory of tea. Not so much due to history cramming, although I did almost scream aloud with excitement when I read the name Earl Grey, I found it very hilarious. Such a familiar tea brand, and there he was as a person. I have no clue who he was and what he did, as I concentrated on pointing it out to my friend instead of his actual role in the history book. However, I have started to like drinking tea and I bought this really good flavor, I think it was gingko and blackcurrant. Never heard of gingko before, I have to admit, still not quite sure what it is. But let's not get stuck on the irrelevant, right?
Also, I finished my academic writing portfolio. I am completely and utterly relieved, as it turned out pretty good and I am very happy with it. And, it's pink, which makes it totally awesome.
Tomorrow I'll hit the sales and visit the city library for the first time, as I just discovered that they have Fifty Shades of Grey in Spanish. I have to read it. I think I'll also get some other books in Spanish as I am extremely excited about planning my trip to Spain next summer. I'd better make use of that excitement now that I still feel like reading books.
lauantai 3. tammikuuta 2015
Keep your friends close... but don't let the enemies get too close
I miss routines. I miss the regular need to get out of my apartment and to do something with a meaning. Having a vacation this long, I realize that I seize to exist as the person as I am when I cannot fulfill my purpose; to interact, to be active, to have a significance.
No offense to the people I've been hanging out with lately, you are the only sane part of my current state of mind of disappearing self. Some strange power takes over and I am numb like a robot, meeting the absolute demands but moving as if I was in a dream. The purpose of mine gets blurred and I fall into the state of waiting for life to start happening again. There is no such a thing as chilling out for a while and going back to what I was supposed to do, it is as if the excessive is too attractive for me to fight against.
You are who you are when nobody's watching, they say, which makes me wonder: am I really like this? I cannot balance the contrast of days filled with pleasant responsibilities and those that should be about relaxing. Doing nothing is not relaxing, I'm going crazy, but somehow I cannot do anything about it. I feel that I have no strength over myself, besides, if I don't do nothing now, when will I? It is like a subconscious defense mechanism as I know I will be busy soon enough. I take the easy way out but I cannot find the entrance back to normality without struggle.
Even worse than doing nothing when I really have no responsibilities is doing nothing when I actually do, which was today and will be for the next two weeks. Do you know the psychological experiment where they sent a guy to Antarctica or somewhere to see what being alone does to him? I have a feeling I'd go all cuckoo a lot faster, since it seems like interaction is what keeps me going. As glad as I am that my roommate hasn't come home yet 'cause I have been happy to get cozy in this place alone, I feel like karma's biting me in the ass. You wanted some alone time, huh? Let's see if you can take it.
No offense to the people I've been hanging out with lately, you are the only sane part of my current state of mind of disappearing self. Some strange power takes over and I am numb like a robot, meeting the absolute demands but moving as if I was in a dream. The purpose of mine gets blurred and I fall into the state of waiting for life to start happening again. There is no such a thing as chilling out for a while and going back to what I was supposed to do, it is as if the excessive is too attractive for me to fight against.
You are who you are when nobody's watching, they say, which makes me wonder: am I really like this? I cannot balance the contrast of days filled with pleasant responsibilities and those that should be about relaxing. Doing nothing is not relaxing, I'm going crazy, but somehow I cannot do anything about it. I feel that I have no strength over myself, besides, if I don't do nothing now, when will I? It is like a subconscious defense mechanism as I know I will be busy soon enough. I take the easy way out but I cannot find the entrance back to normality without struggle.
Even worse than doing nothing when I really have no responsibilities is doing nothing when I actually do, which was today and will be for the next two weeks. Do you know the psychological experiment where they sent a guy to Antarctica or somewhere to see what being alone does to him? I have a feeling I'd go all cuckoo a lot faster, since it seems like interaction is what keeps me going. As glad as I am that my roommate hasn't come home yet 'cause I have been happy to get cozy in this place alone, I feel like karma's biting me in the ass. You wanted some alone time, huh? Let's see if you can take it.
torstai 1. tammikuuta 2015
A fresh start
For the third time within a year I start writing about sitting in a new apartment, ready to see, once again, what life decides to throw at me. This time I am more hopeful than before, though, as I can feel that something is different. I think this is it, I've got it right this time and now it's my time.
A new year, a clean slate. I have learned so much from last year that I cannot even describe the change I feel in me. Opportunities, risks, priorities, hopes, dreams, accomplishments, freedom, courage to try, courage to feel. That's what last year was about and I am curious to see what this new year holds.
Right now laying in my bed I look around and see a new place that feels already so familiar. It feels like home in here and that is why I don't care about any tiny, vain worries at the moment. I am experiencing a thrilling excitement that makes me want to keep on going, to challenge myself to do more, be more and ask for more. I don't care that I have tons of school work to do or that there are obligations to be filled. I don't care about the pressure of fulfilling expectations and doing the right thing and right now, I don't care that I have nobody special to share this with, because I am happy.
And for now, that's all I could ask for, isn't it?
A new year, a clean slate. I have learned so much from last year that I cannot even describe the change I feel in me. Opportunities, risks, priorities, hopes, dreams, accomplishments, freedom, courage to try, courage to feel. That's what last year was about and I am curious to see what this new year holds.
Right now laying in my bed I look around and see a new place that feels already so familiar. It feels like home in here and that is why I don't care about any tiny, vain worries at the moment. I am experiencing a thrilling excitement that makes me want to keep on going, to challenge myself to do more, be more and ask for more. I don't care that I have tons of school work to do or that there are obligations to be filled. I don't care about the pressure of fulfilling expectations and doing the right thing and right now, I don't care that I have nobody special to share this with, because I am happy.
And for now, that's all I could ask for, isn't it?
lauantai 13. joulukuuta 2014
Last minute thoughts
Yesterday was weird. Probably just because I sort of forgot to eat and drink and in that mixture of sleep deprivation and hangover I wrote the crappiest essay of my entire life. Seriously, when your brain does.not.work do not try to produce anything that will be graded. I'm just saying. Usually I am a master of coming up with competent-sounding bullshit but this time it was only a load of crap, no competence included.
Oh, well. I can't always do everything right. It would be boring then. However, Thursday evening and night was probably the best one in a very long time, since we sang, ate something else than kinkkukiusaus at sitsit and bonded with some of our classmates. All the signs for a good year are in the air.
Also, a lot of dirt is in the air. Figuratively, as the dirt is actually on my floor. Somehow, knowing I'll move out soon has made me completely ignore a tiny little activity called cleaning. Now it's sort of too late as my room is filled with boxes and bags and I have just formed these little routes to get around in here. It got interesting when I turned off the lights last night and I had to try to find my bed without hitting anything. Succeeded, by the way.
Oh, well. I can't always do everything right. It would be boring then. However, Thursday evening and night was probably the best one in a very long time, since we sang, ate something else than kinkkukiusaus at sitsit and bonded with some of our classmates. All the signs for a good year are in the air.
Also, a lot of dirt is in the air. Figuratively, as the dirt is actually on my floor. Somehow, knowing I'll move out soon has made me completely ignore a tiny little activity called cleaning. Now it's sort of too late as my room is filled with boxes and bags and I have just formed these little routes to get around in here. It got interesting when I turned off the lights last night and I had to try to find my bed without hitting anything. Succeeded, by the way.
torstai 11. joulukuuta 2014
Vacation activities
Somehow I am experiencing a very similar feeling at the moment as already twice before this year. I am packing my stuff into boxes and bags once again to change my address. When I moved here, to this apartment, I guessed it wouldn't be for long but somehow I am amazed by the fact that I am doing this again already now. It is not the same, though; this time I don't change my environment completely, the distance to the new place is only under three kilometers instead of hundreds of them and I don't feel the same enthusiasm of starting over.
I am, though. Starting over. A new beginning with all its possibilities, as a new year begins in a new home, with new roommates and a new mindset.
It is easier to pack now, however. Not anymore is it an emotional process of changing the direction, it is just stuffing things into boxes for a practical reason. I also have a better conception of what I own and how I should pack it, which means I do it a lot faster. Besides, I have so much to think about, other than moving, that it is just a rather annoying, yet sort of pleasing activity that must be done. It will be interesting to see how it feels to leave this mess of boxes behind for a couple of weeks and to return to what is basically an empty apartment. Relieved, hopeful, excited, determined; I hope.
Although my Christmas break began yesterday, I don't really feel the relief yet. I still have a paper to write, a portfolio to compile and two books to read, which basically means that my vacation is only a break from going to the university every day, not so much a break from work. However, tonight I will not worry about anything, not about packing, not about studying, not about the things that have bothered me for weeks, I am going to relax in a good company. Sitsit, here I come. Seven deadly sins, wrath, kickboxing outfit. Do I need to say more?
I am, though. Starting over. A new beginning with all its possibilities, as a new year begins in a new home, with new roommates and a new mindset.
It is easier to pack now, however. Not anymore is it an emotional process of changing the direction, it is just stuffing things into boxes for a practical reason. I also have a better conception of what I own and how I should pack it, which means I do it a lot faster. Besides, I have so much to think about, other than moving, that it is just a rather annoying, yet sort of pleasing activity that must be done. It will be interesting to see how it feels to leave this mess of boxes behind for a couple of weeks and to return to what is basically an empty apartment. Relieved, hopeful, excited, determined; I hope.
Although my Christmas break began yesterday, I don't really feel the relief yet. I still have a paper to write, a portfolio to compile and two books to read, which basically means that my vacation is only a break from going to the university every day, not so much a break from work. However, tonight I will not worry about anything, not about packing, not about studying, not about the things that have bothered me for weeks, I am going to relax in a good company. Sitsit, here I come. Seven deadly sins, wrath, kickboxing outfit. Do I need to say more?
keskiviikko 10. joulukuuta 2014
Untitled
Don't wake me up, I can't get back to the dream
What if reality is not better yet
I only know what I want, not what I need
What if I want something I don't need and I need something I don't want
How do I enjoy something if it will end anyway
I did everything right, did I
Will I?
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