Kuopio, Finland this afternoon. Even though I was there and took this picture and I see this everytime I have a look out of the window, I still can't quite believe that it really looks like that out there. Especially when there's something so wrong in the feeling you get when you go out. From inside the house my first thoughts are like yay, Christmas is coming! But once I am outside, the atmosphere is totally changed and it almost feels like Easter is around the corner. That's when you realise what time of the year it actually is and how it doesn't feel like it at all.
However white or black the nature is, I had a disturbing realization. It is in fact over the middle of October and I have no idea where all the time went. I feel like the time is moving so fast but I am not moving with it. I do have moments when I catch up and ride the first wave of the present. But there are times when I get lost in doing nothing, robotically repeating the only ways I can think of to function at all in this episode of my life. The episode where I am waiting with unanswered questions, plans that aren't put into action yet, activities that I want but can't have. I am frustrated.
I know I could and I should and I can but all that takes effort and I sometimes struggle with seeing the point in making it. I know that being active is the only way to stay active, but I keep losing the balance. Nevertheless, getting stuck to one thing is always being stuck until you make a decision to change it. But the thing with decisions is that they're nothing until you make a decision to start executing it.
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