... last night, after a long day of activities, being organized and in charge, surrounded by noise and laughter of the youngsters, I was feeling good. Tired, relieved, successful, small compared to the universe. I had my last camp maybe ever this weekend, and I have to say that this really is an end of an era. Six years and countless camps later, as many as seven only this year, I can honestly say that I've learned things I couldn't have anticipated when I started all this.
A camp is an organized, sweet chaos that consists of the total scale of emotions, operating with and for people, challenging yourself and being active and responsible twenty-four hours a day, up to nine days in a row. It doesn't even really matter who it is aimed at, though I've mostly done those for youngsters, it is always a very comprehensive experience. No matter how hard I try, I couldn't describe it exactly, or even if I could, you wouldn't understand, not if you haven't done it. Of course there are people who work on camps and might wonder what is so special about these ones, but I really believe that the orthodox camps have a special feature like no other. The religious aspect of the camps is the part I have never really pondered in this blog, but I don't feel the need for it; it is personal, and that sort of personal conversations people must earn.
This past camp year has been probably the most educating one, mainly because I have spent so much time in that environment. I already wrote some things after the last longer camp in July, but I feel like this part of my life with all its lessons is something I need to talk over to process and cherish everything I've gained. The reason for this year's significance is not only the high number of camps; it's also a stronger aspect of reflection in relation to my previous experience as a leader, as a part of a team and as a woman.
I find my flaws more easily, for example. Not in a self-loathing way of blaming myself for everything that went wrong, but I feel that I am more capable of admitting that alright, this is where I could have acted differently or that this speech I gave was not sufficiently informative or clear. I am more aware of what kinds of features I appreciate in people and what gets on my nerve, regarding others as well as myself. I've also learned how important it is to look deeper than the surface to understand people, and even though one might judge, make assumptions or doubt others merely based on actions or appearances, there is always, always something more. Something, that makes the person who they are for real, and often acknowledging that might be just what that person needs.
I am grateful for all the opportunities I've been given in this field and I will surely be able to exploit this whole experience in my future profession. I will hold dear all the memories of laughing hysterically after a few not-so-well-slept nights, improvising a play that keeps changing, sitting by the campfire gazing at the stars, immersing in conversations about everything and anything and going to sleep at night with a smile on my face for a job well done. And anywhere I go, I'll know that there could be someone whose life I've been a part of, which is a pretty nice feeling
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