I dream of living in a huge, modern house made of white brick with big windows, at least one that is round, with my husband, kids and a dog. Or two dogs. It would be located just outside a big, nice city with an own yard. I dream of having a rewarding job, where I can make a difference and be in an important position. I dream of travelling abroad a lot, seeing new places and using my language skills. In addition, I dream of many things that are maybe better to be kept as a secret.... ;) I shouldn't reveal everything at once.
My dreams are my motivation. The reason why I work so hard at school now is that I want to have the foundation where I can start building my dreams. I feel like with this little effort now I can get into university and that way reach what I want out of life more easily. It is a price I am willing to pay. I have summer jobs because I want to have the money to travel when an opportunity comes. I know that I am the key to getting what I want. If I don't do anything, I won't achieve anything. As simple as that.
My dreams are my ambition. I am the type that goes for the gold instead of just getting through it. I feel like I have to do my best and give all I have in order to get what I want. I admit that sometimes my perfectionist-side is too strong and I get disappointed in myself, but on the other hand, I see nothing bad with wanting to invest in the thing you consider important. By investing I mean my time, my energy, my work.
My dreams are my guidelines. Whenever I am in a situation of making a decision, I try to chooce the best alternative keeping an eye on my future goals. Yeah, sometimes I go with what I want exactly at the moment as well, but when it comes to something bigger, I consider all the factors carefully. My dreams show me the way towards what I believe will make me happy.
We all have dreams. But do we have the courage and the patience to go after them? I can say one thing for sure: I'll try. And I'll succeed. To finish this post I'd like to share this great song with you all. Music just makes you dream, don't it?
What is the most powerful weapon against another person? The answer to that question is blindingly obvious. It is me, it is you. We can be the monster in a nightmare and the villain in a story. It is only a matter of choice.
A person can make or break your career. Well, usually your own effort makes a pretty big difference, but basically your employment is in someone else's hands unless you're your own boss. Just as easily can one person determine anything else, one example of which is doctors. In some cases a doctor decides whether you will live with one leg or two, a disease or no disease, pain or no pain. When a person is troubled, he or she might choose to take something that belongs to someone else. They might burn down your house or steal your wallet or break your marriage. You can walk calmly along the street and get beaten, just because somebody wanted to do so. Simple but cruel.
We have power. It sounds nice when you say that aloud. Makes you feel strong and like you make a difference. However, that is one of the scariest facts about human beings. We can affect others' emotions even permanently. We can damage something inside someone else as easily as breathing. One look that didn't reach the one in need of help, one bad word that has the same effect as a stake through the heart, one act that could have been left undone. Tears are not so hard to lure out of someone's eyes when you know where to pull.
We are the most powerful weapon against each other. We are capable of hurting, destroying and humiliating. The only question remaining is: can we make choices that we can live with? We have the opportunity to acknowledge the power we hold and to use it right. We have what it takes to turn from a villain to the good guy and fix what is broken. We can choose to use our strength to do good. It is a battle that you have to win, a challenge you can't avoid accepting.
At the end of the day, it only comes to this. Can you live with who you are? Can you stand to look into your own eyes?
I am calm. The world just stopped spinning for a while. The moment is about an adventure deep within. I went to a beginners' yoga class today and it will continue tomorrow and it was a completely new experience for me. The speed of it took me by surprise, since I am kind of used to roughing it in my kickboxing trainings. However, in my opinion this could create a perfect balance with my hobbies. The only thing is that you really have to concentrate and get into it, otherwise you won't get so much out of it. I did my best, though my thoughts were wondering a bit at times, especially when I got hungry and saw a bowl of grapes on the table. Inhale, exhale. Anyway, I got a glimpse of why yoga is practised all over the world. Feeling every single part of your body in your thougts is incredible and so relaxing. Never have I felt so present in the moment and like nothing else matters than me, my breathing, my feet on the ground and just being. The tingling at my fingertips while streching and lifting my hands up towards the ceiling made me feel so energetic and powerful. Almost all my muscles were a little sore from training on Thursday and floorball yesterday, so some moves didn't feel so comfortable but as a whole I really enjoyed those few hours. Close your eyes. Balance. We also heard a lot about the history of yoga and its principles and I gotta admit, some words really got stuck in my head. The philosophy in it is so intangible but at the same time so real. They spoke a lot about finding yourself and I started to wonder this mysterious thing you hear to be sought everywhere. I don't know what will it be once I reach it, but I learned today that it is already inside me. All I have to do is dig it up. Now it is even more clear why people want to find themselves, 'cause it is like this magnetic source that just screams to be found. And I want it as well. I want to be able to look in the mirror and know what I am made of. I want to discover it all, the things I am proud of and the things I don't particularly like. One of human's biggest possible strengths is the ability to accept themselves as they are without excuses or apologies. Relax. Yoga is supposed to help with stress, the stiffness of body and many other things but what I consider the most valuable gift from it is that you learn to enjoy life. You learn to see the most important and to concentrate on one thing at the time. We don't live forever, so the biggest mistake you can do is to take a day for granted. You have to live every moment to the fullest because if you don't, the pieces of your life will never form a complete puzzle. However, none of the exercises or speeches had a similar impact on me as the final sentence of this post. I don't remember who has said it, I don't remember when, but it is irrelevant. What matters, is that I want to keep that in mind for the rest of my life and I hope you will too. After all, it is way too short to be waisted. Days came and days went, but I didn't realise it was my life.
I am a little bit of a control freak. Not the pain-in-the-ass-kind of obsessive freak who demands to know everything about everything and everyone, it is more about having my life organised. Some symptoms of this feature are for example planning almost always what I will wear the next day and packing everything ready in the evening for the morning. Probably many people do that so it is not so freaky. In addition, I always wear a watch since I HATE being late. Arriving a little too late makes me confused 'cause I've missed something in the beginning so it always takes a while to catch up. I honestly would arrive everywhere at least 10 minutes early so that I could get a look at the situation and prepare myself for what is going to happen. Being a conscientious student also results from this. Studying plans, schedules for everything (literally everything, and not only in studies... some days I know exactly how my day will go if nothing disturbs it) and finishing my tasks is normal to me.
I want to take a little closer look at these plans of mine. I literally plan almost everything. My student councellor said to me some time ago, being totally right, that you cannot plan your whole life at 18. Well, I wasn't exactly trying to, but I am dealing with all these desicions about applying to university which makes me think 10 years ahead sometimes. Once I create a plan, I try to come up with all the possible endings and make a plan b for those resolutions. I know it is kind of stupid, I acknowledge that you can never tell in advance what life will throw at you. And referring to my last post, I have already many different scenerios of my wedding, and also of my future house, job, kids etc. Okay, now you think she indeed is crazy. I'm not, really. All this doesn't mean that I can't let go every now and then and just live in the moment. I am not (read: I try not to be) locked inside my imaginary world trying to reach my perfect vision all the time. I experience bumps on the road constantly and they change my plans all the time. Besides, I find new paths to walk on and learn lessons that give me new directions. I guess my brain just works so super-fast that it needs something to keep busy with. (That was my kind of humour, in case someone missed it.) Organising is more than just an obsession. It is a lifestyle, not a bad habit. It keeps me calm to know that I am holding all the threads and I know where my life is going to. Occasional moments of unawareness are very welcome and refreshing, but too many would just make me stressed. I need to have everything around me in control to understand myself in this chaotic world. Now Jennifer Lopez asks a very important question and I hope everyone will consider it :)
Since my last post had kind of no real topic, this one has. You see, I had to write an essay for English class yesterday about marriage vs. being single, and I soooo liked that subject! I admit, I am the kind of girl who is impossible to drag away when they show a wedding program on tv. I don't know what is it with them, but somehow it feels like a magical era in a girl's life. (Guy's too, I guess...maybe) Every single time I see even one white dress or hear those first tunes recognised almost worldwide, I just get that excited feeling. I know, it'll be a while before it is my turn, but a girl can dream, right? To give an obvious answer to the unasked question, I chose marriage. It is not only the wedding that I care about, not at all. All those programmes represent the worst and the horrible side of it all: getting married because it is nice to throw a party and spend money and be a bitch to everyone who tries to change your mind about the colors of the flowers. Sometimes I really wonder if those people even care about their future husband or wife or do they just do it to entertain themselves. And to get gifts. Allright, I want to pick a nice dress and choose the colors of the flowers and make everything perfect. But above all that, I want the lifelong support from someone by your side. If it ever came to that, I could even give up all of the glorious elements and just say "I do" in sweatpants in a pub. Or well.... that would require an emergency. Whatever, I guess my point is clear enough. What matters the most, is the deeper meaning of it all. What you promise to each other is worth everything. Basically the wedding party is only for enjoying the time with families and friends and celebrating love. "Only"... yeah. I guess that is all you could ask and hope for. This is a subject I could talk about for hours, but I guess I'd better leave out all my wedding visions etc. It would be a looooooong post ;D Finally, I just want to say that if and when you reach that point where you declare "till death do us part" (or whatever it is, in Finnish it is not quite the same, that's just the most famous form I know from the movies), you can rejoice with your whole heart: you won. And the prize lasts for a lifetime. Now we can listen to some good music watching life through pink glasses and not caring about the problems of reality.
People, especially those who have a habit of writing a diary or a blog or something, tend to say that they have nothing to write about. Well, let me tell you one thing, folks: that's not true. You're lying if you claim that. Yeah I get it that you might not have anything sensible to say, but whatever. The point is that you always have something you can write. Might not be so helpful for a writer trying to create a bestseller, though. Let me give you an example. I logged in to my blogger and thought; hmm... I could write a post since it's waaaay too long since the last one (been busy...) and realised that I have no astonishingly deep or incredibly intelligent subjects on my mind at the moment. Well, little did I care about that and just placed my fingers on the keyboard and wow, here we are! This may not be a post that shows my thoughts so much, but definitely gives you a hint of my personality. The thing is that I have a habit of being pretty talkative. I can just open my mouth and start speaking without thinking so much,which isn't always a good thing, trust me... But comes in handy at times. Talking is so nice, and well, since I am not a freak (at least I guess so) I am not the biggest fan of talking alone, so people within 5 meters just have to accept this certain fact about me. Okay, people who know me are now rolling their eyes 'cause I can be pretty loud sometimes so maybe that estimated zone of sufferers could be a little bigger. And yeah I know that writing is not the same as talking and this has kind of nothing to do with the original subject of this post, but actually I have just proved my point. One tiny bit of a thought leads to another and before you realise, you have managed to create a text. Or a speech, since it seems I kind of lost my red thread. Hahah, I know that people reading this are thinking I've lost it a little. No worries, this is still within the limits of sanity. Anyway, in my opinion this kind of writing and talking tells a lot about people. It is a sign of imagination, the speed of thinking, creativity and the ability to just be yourself. If a person is constantly controlling what they let out of their mouth, nobody will ever be able to figure out the way their mind works. And although this post only reveals that my mind contains a lot of unimportant and irrational things, I managed to create something from nothing. That's a pretty good achievement, if you ask me. Now let's talk that talk.
