I'm really starting to wonder whether I really like responsibility or if I've just got myself into such positions just because I could and I was expected to. The thing that bugs me so much is that sometimes, when you share the responsibility, other people fuck up or totally unrelated factors create obstacles and I feel all the weight of that.
I know it's not my fault that things don't go as planned but hell, if we're organizing something and there appears to be a throwback around every corner and it seems like nobody gives a rat's ass, I am not really left with loads of motivation to encourage people to have fun with us.
They are little things, and not even that serious, but when they pile up and it just keeps on going and I feel like I'm alone in the mess that is just hanging there really messy, I feel like all I want is to raise my hands and deny having anything to do with it.
I'm so irritated that I'm struggling with keeping the text more or less reader-friendly. I'd really just like to curse. A lot.
And the thing is, that I've been here before. I've felt this same irritation before, knowing that I've brought it on myself by gathering all these responsibilities and I hate it. I'm like a junkie addicted to something that they don't even like.
Yeah, I don't even like it. Why the hell do I keep signing up for it?
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