Reminiscence

On top of the general weirdness of yesterday, I started reading this very blog back to times I hadn't returned to in a long time. It was surprisingly emotional to re-enter some of those old feelings of confusion and moments of self-discovery. Also, it was almost embarrassing to read some of the posts as all I could see first were the grammar mistakes and expressions that were not at all fluent English. I have only studied here for about six months, but still it seems that my language skills have improved tremendously. I probably shouldn't jinx it, I bet this post is full of mistakes now...

In addition, I've promised to start working out like five times. Determination, where have you been?

Anyway, I really wanted to go back and stroke the hair of that girl and tell her that it's all going to be okay. Not that I've ever struggled with any enormous problems, but still I could see and feel that old confusion, all of the fears, moments of realization and the first steps of gaining independence. I could see those situations with new perspective now, feeling that I've overcome the worst part, the tough start, but I've got a feeling that this is where the even trickier part begins. However, the times when I sat home wondering about my future seem to have happened ages ago and I cannot believe how much I have experienced since then. People get used to things, which saves our sanity but kills something small inside us that reminds us to really see the wonders around and inside.

I have never been writing this blog much conscious of the fact that this is a learning opportunity, but that's exactly what this is. It is my diary that everyone can see, it is a confusing and unstructured description of my life from the point of view of my feelings and thoughts about life. I'm amazed about the honesty I've trusted upon this blog, and although some posts seem to be just shallow chit-chat, I can remember the deeper meanings of each of them. Deeper within the concept of a 20-year-old's naivety, at least. All in all, I'm looking forward to being able to look back at this moment a year from now and smile at the things that fill my world right now.