I'm almost there. I've almost overcome the stress load for this term, only the finish line needs to be crossed. The best view comes after the hardest climb, and for me that view is driving to the safe haven of home for a much deserved Christmas vacation. I am under so much pressure now; however, I am myself the one who set it over me.
What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. Keeping this in mind I embrace this week filled with Christmas parties and fun, as well as tons of studying. First and foremost, I have to mention tomorrow. Our student association's Christmas party, my Christmas party, is tomorrow and my mind is about to explode thinking about all the things I have to remember to bring and all the responsibilities I have. I do not stand alone in this, thank god, but I desperately want it to be perfect so everyone will have a good time. And I don't even want to settle to that, I want to blow them away with what we have been able to create in a month and with a tiny budget. A perfectionist such as me, it is not simple to organize something I am very passionate about. All this planning, lists I've made, meetings held, equipment shopping trips, budget calculations, dress hunting and endless expectations are coming to an end tomorrow and I couldn't be happier. I just want to have it all so figured out that I can relax and enjoy tomorrow night, so that it will all be worth it.
I am extremely glad I will be surrounded by friends this week 'cause even though most of my time will be spent with them, hanging out in a Christmas spirit, I feel like after this week I will have given all I have to socially offer. In that sense there is a nice balance, pressure to provide something both socially and academically, as we get to the huge pile of stress aka assignments to finish. I just wrote a list of things I have to do before January and it includes three 4-page essays, three smaller essays, a large portfolio with the papers I have produced this term and evaluation of my progress as well as two books for a history exam.
Nice and easy, huh? That's what I meant by deserving the vacation. I am not complaining in the sense that I do not want to do any of that, though, I complain about having all the deadlines almost at once.
Now that I got all this out of my head and in this post, I feel a steady calmness mixed with confidence. We're going to kill it tomorrow, it'll be perfect, I'm going to finish all my duties both socially and educationally in time so that I can proudly say I did it. I know I will.
After all, it is this simple: Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
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