But...

Lately I've found myself using that word way too often. I could study this a little now so I'll have more time later but... I bought that damned television and now it lures me with its entertaining contents so I always end up wrapping a blanket around me and relaxing on the bed. And going to sleep early like every night. I could also go to the gym or some group workout classes and I actually want to go but... I really don't know if it's laziness I learned while staying home for six months or if it's just that the school is taking much more time and energy than I thought so that I really am too tired to go. Today I promised my friend to go to the school gym with her next week, though, so I hope I will manage to order myself to go there. I really should, for several reasons. But.

I guess a part of my inability to make myself do anything comes from the fact that I'm still in the process of finding my place here. I have got used to my new routines and I am not as bothered by the noise from outside anymore at night than I was in the beginning. School is going okay and I have friends that I can be myself around and I love learning French but there's still something missing. I like living on my own and having all the choices, like eating pinaattilettuja with apple jam for dinner and nobody will come and tell me that it's weird or stupid. The downside of this is that since my schedules are quite different to my roommate's, I am alone here most of the time and it gets a little lonely. Not that I'd want roommates at all, being alone is exactly what I need after a long and tiring day, but I kind of miss having familiar people around. 

I've learned about myself a lot, though, during these past three weeks. I've realized what matters to me, what I am passionate about and I've learned to trust those little half-thoughts and half-emotions, those that pass through my mind speaking the utmost truth in an indirect form that I am to interpret. Now that finally allow myself to really face what they are telling me, I know that I can have peace with what I decide and that it's okay to choose otherwise. So for now I'm embracing everything around me trying to find the missing motivation and enthusiasm and also warmly greeting whatever the future might hold.

No idea what this song is about 'cause I understand like three words but I like it anyway.
Bonne nuit everybody!