From desperation to inspiration

In the last post I sounded pretty defeated and torn. Well, I am not saying I am perfectly fine yet, but instead of not caring at all, I am more excited about the changes to come. Yeah, I still don't like to talk about university and when my family starts talking or joking about it, I can stand it only for a little while (like they got to notice today). Anyway, there is light at the end of the tunnel now.

I have sent 10 job applications. I have no idea if that will be enough to get one or not, but I'll just wait and see. Basically I am not in a rush, but the thought of being stuck here at home doing nothing, not moving forward for a few months more makes me so desperate that I can't stop looking for more opportunities. Don't get it wrong, I like being at home. It is so good to just rest and do holiday things (read:nothing) for a change. But somehow I feel the need to start my own, independent life already. High school is over, summer jobs are over, the next and natural step is leaving, and I am willing to take that step.

I know that when I speak about leaving I am mainly excited and eager to go, but deep down I know it will be hard as well. I have no idea what it will be like not coming home to the place I've come home to for the past 11 years. I have grown up here, almost all of the even remotely significant things of my life have happened while I've lived here. I know this will always be my home, but since it will be a pretty long train ride away, will it feel the same?

Thank god for the phones and the internet 'cause I would be screwed when I break something. Or when the computer refuses to co-operate with me. Or when there is a spider.

Luckily this fear is only a little part of what I feel related to moving out. I really am excited, especially about things like decorating (with extremely limited budget), cooking whatever I wanna eat, deciding what to do and when. Besides, complete privacy is a very welcome change. 
 
I will probably write a post about the moving and my feelings when the time comes, so we'll see if I am crying after my previous life or loving my new one. Hopefully the last one!