Busy doing nothing

How nice it is to just chill at home, in the place where I grew up and spent the carefree summers of sunbathing, berry picking and swimming. Now it is just a week of that after all the work and studying, but it is enough. It is even warm, at least for us Finnish people!

On Saturday we saw a bunch of relatives, as we were celebrating my grandmother's 80th birthday. It was really emotional to see her so fragile, but I am really happy how she managed the few hours of greeting the family and eating. It was a fun day, I got to wear my awesome dress I bought from Spain and I even performed there playing the piano. I am so proud of myself, I hadn't played for months and after two days of practicing (okay... more like two hours) I did really well. I heard there were teary eyes, even. And afterwards my mom's cousin came to give me a hug and thanked me for creating "a timeless moment", which was probably the nicest compliment I've ever got for playing music. 

Yesterday I helped my little sister pack her belongings, as she will be moving to Jyväskylä next weekend, it is really nice to have her there from now on! This morning I had to get up pretty early as I needed to be in front of the computer exactly at 9.00 am to sign up for this year's courses. So, a new year and definitely new adventures await!

Now I'll go pick up some berries, since I'm still here and it's summer and it's warm and I'm home. And that's pretty awesome.

Back to reality

It still feels so weird to be back home. Not that I was away for that long, but after Spain I spent the weekend at my sister's in the capital so being back in Jyväskylä is kind of strange, especially after such a different scenery I was in.

But anyway, my trip went great and I am so happy. I had been waiting for it for so long and it was more than I could have even hoped for or imagined. It was exciting, fun, memorable, educational and so much more; sometimes even scary, frustrating and exhausting, but I guess traveling always is, especially when you're doing it for a bit longer period of time at once. I got to use my Spanish skills, which I realized to be at a very good starting point for the exchange, which was sort of a relief. 

I could produce half a novel to write down everything we saw and did, but I think that I could just bring up something more significant, as I feel like the trip taught me a lot about myself and gave a much needed break from everything. Funny, how being physically far away also gives you distance from the emotional and mental issues you're dealing with.

I learned to walk a little bit slower, to think a bit more calmly. I took my backpack and went, without a plan, without hurry, without a need to accomplish something.

I let moments to fill me completely; I immersed myself in a beautiful view, in a good book, in a bite of delicious food. Most nights I went to sleep satisfied, knowing I had had a really good day filled with experiences. I could have taken a thousand pictures, but none of them could have captured the experiences I had.

I also learned that traveling requires boldness to say exactly what you want, what you feel like doing, and how you are feeling. It is extremely useful in everyday life as well, but when traveling, it somehow comes up in a more crucial way. And as traveling is a luxury to me, it is so important to make it a journey for me. Not to be selfish, but to appreciate yourself.

And to sum up everything else, I could make this list of words that wraps up the essence of my journey: walking, pavo real, parks, heat, views, exhaustion, wine, pinchos, reading, friends, erizo, freedom.

And when I was in the train coming back to Madrid from Aranjuez, there was this woman reading a book. She started dozing off while reading, leaning her head against the wall. At some stop she woke up, and adjusted her position so that I saw the title of her book, which was "No abras los ojos". I laughed so much.

I had moments of complete clarity when I honestly thought I could even live there someday, and I still think so. But still, when the plane started landing to Helsinki and I started to see the forests and the familiar views, I knew I was home, and nothing could ever beat that.

Vamos!

Sort of hard to believe it, but we're actually leaving tomorrow for Spain! I've packed my bag and prepared everything I could possibly think of and I couldn't be more excited. Though, it's still kind of weird, I don't quite grasp the whole thing yet. Having traveled so few times, I'm ridiculously excited about really basic things even, like planes. 

Looking outside of the window today and seeing a grey sky and the pouring rain I thanked myself for ever having the idea of traveling. Seriously, we've had three warm days this summer, I really need this escape under the sun.

I'm also a little nervous, because this trip sort of steps out of my comfort zone. Not really any plans besides the accommodation (which is kind of depending on whether people are who they say they are online), but I am so eager to face this challenge and see what comes out of it. Relaxation, fun, memories and a tan, I hope.

See you in two weeks! 

One-two-three-relax!

I can't believe it, I'm done. I'm finished with all the work for the summer, both the camps and the studies. After a few hours of furious writing, I finished my essay for a pedagogic course, I returned it and I'm officially on a vacation now. It feels so good.

Actually, it hasn't even really sank in, but still. All I need to do anymore is to return the books to the library and mentally prepare to travel. It's going to be exactly what I need, and we have both so deserved it.

Ah, the feeling of liberty is at its best when you know you've worked your ass off to reach it.

Humility

A challenge after another wears down even the strongest people. Each time I thought it's safe to catch a breath, another incident occurred, another mental earthquake that shook my world a little bit. And I had no choice but to hold on tight to the fragile pieces so they would last as one until it would be over, as I could not fall apart for the sake of those who needed me to be the leader, the strong one, to have the threads sorted out, tightly grasped in my hands.

The glass was so close to being full so many times that even the slightest jolt made it splash all over. My emotions went from zero to hundred in a blink of an eye and the pressure made me scream without a sound.

And when I thought that it's all over now, that this is the easy part, the world hit me with something so unexpected that I questioned everything; my memory, my experience, my intuition, my vision, my belief in people and maybe even in justice. Can one person's nightmare be another one's bliss? I am praying that it is true.

I bend, as I feel the weight that I've been carrying for a long while. I am starting to let it fall down but I am scared. I am numb for feeling so much in such a brief period of time. All I can say is that this week has been a learning experience like no other, and I genuinely hope it will make me stronger and wiser. 

In many ways I succeeded and of those moments I am proud. I found the voice of my morality, and it appeared in a moment I never would have imagined. Despite of everything, I held myself together so the entire community would stay intact. I did my best, but I know it wasn't always enough. There were moments with people who would have needed more support, more encouragement and more time, which I was not able to provide. 

In the speech I gave today I urged the youngsters to be humble towards the nature and towards life. The words did not come from me, but I feel like that is the most hauntingly beautiful lesson that I could take with me from this experience as the one to guide me forward.

Anticipation

Here we go, the last camp of the summer is starting tomorrow. I'm a little terrified, but excited. Terrified for no reason, though, as I know that the people working there are great and I've got it all planned. I had a nightmare about it last night where a bus drove over the camp kids, though, which was not really the nicest way to wake up. 

I'm so relieved that my exam went well on Monday, that's half of the summer's studies finished! And I so had had it with semantics, a few more pages and my head would have exploded. After the camp I'll just need to write a 10-page essay about expertise at a work organization and I'm free. Two weeks in Spain is the most perfect reward I could have picked for myself, besides, I hear that it's really hot in Madrid now. That will be a welcome change to the +15 degrees we've got here.

After the super busy beginning of the summer, I've actually managed to relax a bit as well, which has been great. I've been hanging out with friends; geocaching, picnics, movie nights and walks around the city during those two hot days we had. I've also been able to go to the gym, which I totally love. Really didn't think in January when I started going there that it would become such an important part of my everyday life, a part that I hugely miss when I am unable to go.

I'm really excited about the trip to Madrid and nearby cities, as it'll be different from any trip so far. I have no idea where we'll stay or really so much about what we'll do, but for once it sounds perfect. Time to relax, do whatever we feel like doing in the moment. Hopefully we'll have the chance to try Couchsurfing, it would be great to get to know some new people who could provide us with a couch to sleep on and maybe even a tour around their favorite places. After my best friend returns to Finland, I'm gonna keep going on my own, and I'm pretty sure which cities I'll visit. All in all, I'm thrilled about this chance to test my Spanish as I'm getting gorgeously tanned under the southern sun.

Okay, who am I kidding, I'll be red as a fire truck. But it'll turn brown at some point, hopefully by the time I'm back here.

Strange things

I've been re-watching the O.C. and although I love that show, there are so many things that I find completely odd and unnatural. I don't think it's a phenomenon strictly related to this series but evident in most TV-series, all the most normal everyday activities are either ignored or twisted. Why on earth are we expected to act normal about the weird stuff they do?

Let's take breakfast, for example. Usually they just eat a handful or two of dry cereal straight from the box and that's it. Everybody seems to take a cup of coffee (black, nobody apparently uses milk or sugar) and takes a sip and then leaves the cup. But that's not even the worst part, oh no, the worst part is when they've actually made the effort of setting up a really nice breakfast. Baked pancakes or muffins or whatever. What happens? Everyone gets to the kitchen, glances at the food, claims to be in a hurry or quickly develop a huge, dramatic twist of the events and the pancakes are left on the table. Why, people, why? Breakfast is the best part of the day.

I don't know how the visiting culture is in the U.S, but somehow to me it seems weird that everyone keeps stopping by at each other's places. Isn't it considered rude to show up unannounced? Besides, usually they don't even have anything important to say. Also, it seems to be normal to have no need for planning anything; you might as well drive to work and then back home and then remember you left something at the office and drive back and then come back home and then decide suddenly to make a road trip to the next city and then you come back pretty late at night and all of a sudden you have to pop in to see a friend to apologize for something you did. Seems logical.

Then, birthdays. Years go by, and the birthdays of the main characters aren't even mentioned. Instead, hugely ridiculous commercial festivals like the Valentine's Day gets an entire episode per fictional year. How fair is that?

Moreover, the weirdest thing just happened. A character finds another one dead, and how does he react? A inexplicable look on his face he tries his pulse, sighs deeply and sits down on the bench on which the old guy died sitting. No calls to 911, no rush, no panic. Just a sigh and a long stare at the ocean until the scene changes. What's up with these people?

I get it that TV-series aren't supposed to cover each minute of the characters' lives but still. At least finish your breakfast.