Humility

A challenge after another wears down even the strongest people. Each time I thought it's safe to catch a breath, another incident occurred, another mental earthquake that shook my world a little bit. And I had no choice but to hold on tight to the fragile pieces so they would last as one until it would be over, as I could not fall apart for the sake of those who needed me to be the leader, the strong one, to have the threads sorted out, tightly grasped in my hands.

The glass was so close to being full so many times that even the slightest jolt made it splash all over. My emotions went from zero to hundred in a blink of an eye and the pressure made me scream without a sound.

And when I thought that it's all over now, that this is the easy part, the world hit me with something so unexpected that I questioned everything; my memory, my experience, my intuition, my vision, my belief in people and maybe even in justice. Can one person's nightmare be another one's bliss? I am praying that it is true.

I bend, as I feel the weight that I've been carrying for a long while. I am starting to let it fall down but I am scared. I am numb for feeling so much in such a brief period of time. All I can say is that this week has been a learning experience like no other, and I genuinely hope it will make me stronger and wiser. 

In many ways I succeeded and of those moments I am proud. I found the voice of my morality, and it appeared in a moment I never would have imagined. Despite of everything, I held myself together so the entire community would stay intact. I did my best, but I know it wasn't always enough. There were moments with people who would have needed more support, more encouragement and more time, which I was not able to provide. 

In the speech I gave today I urged the youngsters to be humble towards the nature and towards life. The words did not come from me, but I feel like that is the most hauntingly beautiful lesson that I could take with me from this experience as the one to guide me forward.