The moment when you feel like everything is staying still, nothing is moving forward and you are not capable of changing anything is a moment of doubt. Doubt towards yourself, hanging in the line between pushing ahead and giving up. That moment can consume you and hold you hostage making you feel like there is nothing left to be done but surrender to the flat line in front of you that is your life.
We all lose our faith in ourselves every once in a while. We all face barriers that feel impossible to overcome, tasks that seem too hard to pass with what we've got. The devil of laziness forms an alliance with the haunting feeling of doubt and disbelief in yourself. There are times when you have so many things on your plate at once that the burden of carrying out all of them sounds ridiculously insane.
The only way to get ahead in life is believing in yourself. I know it is not always easy. Sometimes you need a stepping stone to help you get there, sometimes you just have to build it slowly and steadily. No matter how rough it might be, it will all be worth it once you climb to the top; you will have the strength to get back on your feet when you fall down, to finish what you started, to continue the journey started. You will have the courage to go after what you want and deserve.
I get moments of doubt when I feel like all my hard work is meaningless. Like no matter how much I want something and work for it, I will never achieve it. I wonder why I even try, how should I be the lucky one to get to the top? I sit by the table with my books in front of me and suddenly those two or three turn into a mountain of work. I have my eyes on something good in the future but still sometimes feel so helpless for not being able to know for sure what time brings.
Then I take a deep breath. I turn to someone who believes in me even when I don't or look for some peer support among my friends who are in the same situation. After a few encouraging words, a little bit of humour, some ridiculously exaggerated worst-case-scenerios described and laughed at, everything is okay again. I hold my head up high and look ahead: I can do this.
In the end, nobody can promise that you will succeed, nobody can say for sure how things will go. It is only a matter of believing and hoping.All you can do is try.
This song doesn't have anything to do with the theme, but it is just one of the most beautiful songs I know.
So, as I promised, here is a picture of our penkkari-outfits. We drew quite a lot of attention at the city centre, I wonder why...Thanks to everyone for such an amazing day!
Yippee, listening exams are over! Now I can concentrate on grammar, the mysteries of math and studying 6 hours a day.
Okay, just kidding. We're gonna party!!!
Starting tomorrow in a typical Finnish way (=drunk before 9 am), we will celebrate a traditional high school's-over-let's-scream-and-throw-candies-all-day-wearing-silly-costumes-day. My friends and I will look so cool tomorrow, maybe I'll upload a picture... However, the number one word choice for tomorrow is ZERO, since that is the amount of days we have left in that loved and hated building they also call a school.
Basically, we will start celebrating in the morning and continue until the next one. After that we'll be sooo exhausted... to go once more on Saturday, it's the senior cruise! In brief I could say that the next sober day for many Finnish youngsters is next week. Maybe.
Allright, don't think that the situation with youth drinking is so bad here, it's just our way of having fun. Whatever, our tolerance is better-developed. Even though it very much sounds so, the main point of this week is not alcohol, it is nostalgia. We will leave all the stress behind and cherish all the golden and not-so-golden memories of our time in high school and outside of it. We will all go our separate ways soon so this is maybe our last chance to have fun together. Fun it will be, especially going to a restaurant looking like an alien... I wonder if they will let us in?They should, there's no playing with the forces from the outer space.
Have fun all of you first and second years students, you'll have plenty of torture and stress and desperation ahead. To my senior fellows, let's make this week unforgettable! (though some parts of it might be forgotten due to reasons that are not our fault but have something to do with some liquid...)
I am proud of myself. This morning I just watched a whole movie in Spanish without subtitles! I have studied the language since I started high school, so about two and a half years now. Never did I think I'd learn a whole new language this fast. Okay, I probably understood like 10 % of what they said, but there's a good reason for that. I speak fast for a Finnish person, but the other main character was from Spain and well, I have met my match. The other characters were Ecuadorian and I am not so used to hearing their accent so I had some trouble keeping up. But however, I patiently sat in front of the screen until the end. Although at times I had moments of "what the hell did just happen??", I could follow the main plot of it. And it makes me so glad 'cause being able to understand such a widely spoken language is a huge advantage for me. I love foreign languages. Besides Finnish I know English, Swedish and Spanish, but I would be so thrilled to learn more. French, for example, would be great. To be honest I'd probably learn almost any language if needed. I like expressing myself verbally, so if I can do it all around the world, I am extremely lucky. In fact, I have joked a lot recently how I am better at foreign languages than at my own, at least according to my school results. Final exam listening comprehension parts a few days ahead is the main reason why I am trying to absorb as much Spanish and English as I can. Please keep your thumbs up for me on Tuesday and Wednesday! But no matter how it goes, I won't stop using these two wonderful languages; after all, I am learning them for life, not for an exam. Here is a beautiful song, the lyrics of which I am proud to (almost) know by heart.
I have developed a technique for studying for exams. I guess I could call it "start early enough that by the time of the exam you're just so bored of it that you don't even care if you fail". That is an extremely good technique, may I add.
Since I like (read: am a little obsessed with) organising and schedules, this arrangement suits me perfectly. I don't get stressed over hundreds of pages left to read the night before the exam and I don't have to study so much at a time either, which would be just boring. To be honest, I don't really stress over exams, rather if I have a million and one things to do at once. Anyway, the point of my studying strategy is to give me a free day before the exam. For example, I am now here writing this post. I have Finnish finals tomorrow.
Okay, I cheated. I studied a little just a while ago. But only like 20 minutes. And only because I really haven't studied so much for this exam. But seriously, I am Finnish, I can speak Finnish, right? You'd think so, but nooooo.... Why do they have to make such a simple thing like writing essays so difficult?
It happens every single time. I have more or less motivation and enthusiasm during the learning period and the day before the exam I am like "damn it, if I haven't learned it by now, I definitely won't learn it by tomorrow". Or then I get some miraculous, sudden blast of self-confidence and think like "yeah, piece of cake.. I'll rock this exam even with my eyes closed". That feeling could also be called a hallucination sometimes, according to my experiences... Usually, the thing I think about the day before the exam is that I just want it to be over. A little bit like right now. And here's my advice for all my Finnish counterparts before the beginning of the final exam time.
Technology hates me. No joking, all these program updates and technical problems wouldn't exist if it wasn't to irritate me.
I am not totally retarted so of course I manage to watch tv and use the computer and my phone on my own. However, whenever there is any exepction to the normal with computers especially, I am so lost. It is made so difficult for normal people 'cause if you want to install something, first you have to go to place A where you fill out a form and then it takes you to place B where something weird happens and then you wait for something to happen to your computer and then you have to log in to a million places with a million accounts and then your contacts are flying in every possible direction and to change one thing you have to basically start all over again and at that point you are just simply banging your head on the keyboard.
See my point here?
Well, this all started when Messenger and Skype kindly announced that they got married so I have to move in to a new home. I just don't like having long conversations in Facebook chat so that is the only reason why I still use a Messenger account. Anyway, I did exactly what the information e-mail told me to, but surprise, surprise, when I finally finished the process, I was more confused than ever. Luckily I know people who are smarter than me so I can go whine to them how I wasn't made to function with technology.
All I am asking for is a little bit of simplicity. Or a personal technology guide 24/7.
I know that with time I will get used to all these new changes and learn to use them, maybe even adapt to the constant development of technology in every area of life. Whether I have to particularly like it, is a different question.
Here's a song, the title of which describes pretty well my current state of mind.
